It almost got me! Almost
October 2020 to February 2024
“It will never happen to me.” - Preston
“But it has happened to others.” - Little devil on Preston’s shoulder
“That’s them. I am too passionate about what I do. I’ll never get burnt out.” - Preston
March 2024
“Ladies and gentlemen, we got him!” - Little devil on Preston’s shoulder
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Yea, it happened and it happened quickly. One day I was all in on everything and the next day I was overwhelmed, stressed, and, for the first time, the idea of doing something else with my life crept in.
For 3+ years I had no issue doing it all. Like everything. Plan and host each of the 200+ cleanups. Handle 200+ post-cleanup cleanups (which, honestly, is more work than actually picking up the litter). Make every single one of the 100+ Adopt the Block supply deliveries. Respond to every email. Create every social media post* and manage engagement. Fundraising, finances, insurance, newsletters, and all the other stuff that I have somehow blocked out of my mind while writing this. I didn’t have a problem doing all that. Did it all with a smile. It felt like my calling.
But that all changed in early spring 2024. The year started off great. Things were rolling. Impact was being made. But my energy and drive was starting to get chipped away.. Maybe it was the one group that emailed me the morning of an event saying they would have 15 volunteers after I asked they bring no more than 12. Or maybe it was that one corporate cleanup I agreed to when I knew I didn't have the bandwidth to handle it. Or maybe it was that person who, as a means of looking out for us, made that one networking connection that ended up with me in 3 meetings I didn't really want to attend.
Or, maybe, it was the Earth Day Extravaganza that I spent five months planning and was forced to cancel because it was scheduled on the coldest and rainiest spring day in Raleigh history (don’t fact check that). The event where I made 90% of the vendor connections, thanks Kait, created all of the signage, got sponsors for, scheduled and blah blah blah. Also, for anyone asking, yes, it is being rescheduled. For April 2025!
But, am I allowed to feel this way? Everyone has stuff. My stuff is basically nothing. Some folks are dealing with actual ‘stuff’. Plus, no one is forcing me to do this work so am I allowed to complain? I don’t like hearing others complain so no one wants to hear me groan. I was born smack dab in the middle of ‘suck it up’ and ‘acknowledging mental health’. And I tend to lean more towards suck it up.
But there is still a glimmer of hope. Something that will get me through and back to loving what I built; our community. I can keep going because I know how much joy Blake and Brad have at the events. Or even with his arm in a sling, Gus still will show up ready to pick up litter. Or that Carolyn is getting in as many cleanups as she can before she becomes a grandmother for the first time. Or maybe, just maybe, there is another Amy and Saurabh out there and they need our events to find each other and everlasting love.
Maybe I can keep going because I know Dennis needs to work so that he can get a room for the night and not sleep in a shelter. Or Keith is struggling mentally but when he is with us, for those few hours, things are a little clearer. Or for Pedro who may just get affordable housing simply because one day nearly 4 years ago I decided to pick up some litter.**
I am going to figure it out. I’m not giving up yet. I’ll learn to ask for help. I might even hire some help when we finally have the funding. Maybe I coordinate a volunteer cleanup a couple times a month instead of every single week. Maybe we do Adopt the Block supply pickups instead of drop offs. Maybe I will train someone else to lead when I need a break. I think I caught ‘burn out’ before it caught me. With a little help, and maybe a spa day, I will get back to it. - Preston
*Since Ela moved back to PA
**I used fake names but the scenarios are 100% real.
